I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
