Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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