so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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