Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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