well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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