Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
