The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is Oprah even human
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
