This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize
