She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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