I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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