we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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