I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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