dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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