i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
