How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
