i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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