oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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