Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
ok first of all what the fuck
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
