No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
