Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
