there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
