$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
