fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
