"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
