before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize