I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
