Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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