Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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