I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
