I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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