dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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