I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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