i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize