No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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