6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize