you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
