the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
