I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
