Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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