Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Randomize
