There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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