perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
