What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
