im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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