I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
