Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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