Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
