even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.