He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
