if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
