Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
