Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
