you would pick up someone in the library
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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