So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
