I accidentally burped into my bong.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
