Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
