i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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