I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
this will be a night to untag.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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